We all have impulses, or moments when our brain urges us to take a specific action. It can be a small thing that we're tempted to do, like scratch an itch or roll our eyes. Or it can be something bigger, like yelling at someone or leaving the room to go do something else. We learn to control our actions as young children with some help from our caregivers and teachers. It takes some time and experience to learn which behaviors are appropriate in different settings.
Impulsive behavior is something some children struggle with more than other kids. In this blog post, we’ll discuss what poor impulse control is and what’s happening in a child’s brain when they have it.
What’s poor impulse control?
Impulse control is more about controlling our behavior than controlling our thoughts; impulses are ultimately brain signals that tell us to take certain actions. It takes some careful thinking to determine which impulses we should act on and how. People are said to have poor impulse control when they act without thinking.
Your brain structure and chemistry affect your ability to control your impulses. Each person’s brain has different “hardware,” which develops and becomes more complex from infancy through their early 20s. For some people, the impulses or urges to take action work very quickly. The purposeful and deliberate thinking it takes to inhibit those actions is slower, and it takes more effort. This is why they may struggle with poor impulse control.
Why do some children have poor impulse control?
Executive Functions are the decision-making processes we use to plan and carry out our actions and behaviors. It takes skills to plan, initiate and achieve our daily goals — and nobody is born with these skills. Each child learns them at their own pace, in their own way. Executive Function skills aren’t typically taught in the classroom. Some will need focused coaching time to learn these skills effectively.
The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain associated with Executive Function skills. The thalamus sends messages to the prefrontal cortex when we make decisions to act. The amygdala is another part of the brain that helps us moderate emotional responses. For some people, especially those with ADHD, these signals and processes may be impaired. When that's the case, Executive Function skills like impulse control can lag.
How do most people develop impulse control?
Many of us develop impulse control by trial and error. We notice positive or neutral feedback when actions are acceptable. When they're not acceptable, they often come with negative consequences. Those with poor impulse control receive a lot of negative feedback. It's easy to start to internalize it, which leads to negative views about oneself and the world.
At Beyond BookSmart, we offer Executive Function coaching, and we've seen that a compassionate and nonjudgmental approach works much better with our clients. We help them start to observe their own behavior and provide some education about how their brain works. Together, we reflect on their experience of the world and the ways they respond. Then we work with them to identify some tools and strategies that help them manage their impulses and their behavior.
How can I help my child develop better impulse control?
First, you can start providing positive feedback when your child is conscientious and curbs their impulses. You can help them start to observe their behaviors in different contexts. In social situations, you can work together to create nonverbal cues that don't put their behavior in the spotlight, like touching your nose or using a hand signal. Use these cues to let them know they should notice what they're doing, take a few deep breaths and stop. If your child is struggling with poor impulse control, this webinar on overcoming failure may help you support them in maintaining a positive attitude while they learn this life skill.
Impulse control is just one Executive Function skill our coaches at Beyond BookSmart can help with. Impulsivity can affect every part of a child's life, and trying to manage it can put a lot of strain on your relationship. Our coaches also help with things like organization, working memory and cognitive flexibility. We match each child with a coach they'll connect with. We guarantee it, and if it doesn't work out, we'll provide another match.
Are you looking for an ally in helping your child learn to practice better impulse control? We can help. Contact our team today for more information or to schedule an inquiry call.
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