If cooking with ADHD feels like a daily battle, you’re not alone. For me, it’s one of the most stressful parts of the day because of how my ADHD impacts my Executive Functioning. I don’t hate cooking, but I much prefer baking. In baking, there is a precise order and steps to follow. However, with cooking you can experiment more, step outside of the box, and throw caution to the wind, which might sound fun for some people. But for me, having too many options stresses my nervous system and I end up feeling stuck or in a state of panic because I don’t know which choice to make and find myself asking, What if it is the wrong choice? By the end of the day, I want something simple that I know I’ll enjoy eating and that doesn’t require a lot of mental and physical energy.
For years I would comb through cookbooks and Pinterest to find recipes, make a list of food I wanted to try, start with an elaborate plan like making a zucchini lasagna, and then get so burnt out by all the prep, that I would eat it for a couple days and then throw it out. I kept repeating this cycle, frustrated by how cooking with ADHD made even simple meals feel overwhelming.
Getting Help Was the Turning Point
So, what am I doing now to try to change these habits and build new ones? I have begun working with a dietitian who has helped me realize that during the day, I am so structured with breakfast and lunch that by the time dinner rolls around my brain wants to let go of control and starts to binge eat. My dietitian is also helping me choose items that have very few ingredients and are simple and/or quick to make. These also must be foods I actually like to eat, like stuffed peppers or a poke bowl.
Being well-prepared also helps me feel successful. I structure my week this way:
- Sunday: Pick 1-2 meals from my dietitian’s list.
- Wednesday or Thursday: Go grocery shopping.
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Sunday (prep day): Cook up proteins (fish, meat, chicken), prepare a grain such as quinoa and a variety of vegetables. (Frozen vegetables make it easier.)
- During the week: Mix and match prepped ingredients for easy meals like stir-fry.
Self-Regulation Makes Things Easier
I am working on not overcomplicating things and making sure I am building in the time to prepare. I am also working to increase my metacognition or self-awareness skills so I notice if I’ve become emotionally dysregulated at the end of my day. In addition to learning how to make meals more simple, I am also practicing and working on my Cognitive Flexibility to make it easier to transition from workday to dinner time with my family.
I have always been a hypervigilant person and I thought it was a good thing. Don’t get me wrong, it is definitely a superpower of mine, but it can also be very taxing on my mind and body. For years it was just diagnosed as anxiety, but now realizing it has a lot to do with ADHD is helping me learn to adapt more and break down old habits.
I have learned that about every two hours, I need to walk away from my desk. I go outside with the dogs or by myself if I need quiet. Being outside and with nature is like a giant hug for me. I plan my workouts in the middle of my day, I wake up early in the morning before everyone wakes up to journal and meditate. I am now focusing on how to have better transitions at the end of my day.
Learning What My Body Needs
That has been a process and a lot of trial and error, but I am working with my husband to help redirect me. He and I talk a lot about our needs and how we can be each other’s anchors. Since he has a rare disease he has to do things much differently than I do. With that said, he helps wrangle the dogs while I go for a walk alone at the end of my day or knows when I am about to start dinner, to keep the house quieter as I am very sensitive to noise. If I do get dysregulated, sometimes just taking a minute to lie on the ground with my feet on the wall and focus on my breathing really calms me down before I start the next task.
One of the largest lessons I have learned so far is how certain foods really impact me. Prior to my diagnosis of ADHD, and working with countless therapists and endocrinologists for my hormones, I started to log the day's events, what I was eating, where I was in my monthly cycle, etc. What I have realized is for starters, soda and I are not friends. Actually, caffeine and I are not friends. When I have caffeine, it either makes me feel very jittery or worse I become easily agitated. I have switched to mushroom coffee and in the afternoon when I crave that soda, I have switched to chamomile tea or sparkling water. I know it’s not the same as the sweetness of soda, but some dark chocolate helps satisfy the craving.
Finally Finding Peace at Dinner Time
I don't have all the answers, but there are so many resources out there for us to take advantage of. We can be empowered by resources like dietitians and Executive Function coaching to help us find what works for us. I know without a doubt there is a tool for every one of us. It has taken me years to figure out my issues with dinner and finally realized I needed to wave my white flag and ask for help because I was not succeeding on my own. Now, I am much less stressed at mealtimes, I am not binging as often as I was before, and I am starting to look forward to dinner. This allows me to really enjoy the rest of the evening with my family. Now after dinner, we work on puzzles or I’ll get back to all the reading I was doing before and hunker down with a good book. I am feeling much more regulated about dinner and I cannot express how gratifying it feels.